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Patch Song is the third song when Whitey was imagining himself at the All-Star Banquet.

Uh-won't

Uh, you

Uh-dance with me at the annual All-Star uh-Banquet?

Uh-will

Uh-feel so fancy free at the annual All-Star uh-Banquet

Everyone in town will be lookin their best,

Even Mrs. Selman with the one extra breast

It's the kind of a night when your feet match

When you feel nearly 5 foot 3!

They'll laugh and they'll dance and they'll pee in their pants

Cuz there's a patch at the All-Star Banquet waiting for me!

(Deleted Extended Version Only)

Davey: You sing like a smoke alarm.

Whitey: He shush.

My fingers tightly cross

Cuz, every year I've lost

But this year it feels like destiny

The mayor takes the card

The decision has always been hard

But then you hear your name and your life is never quite the same

A patch for me?

How could it possibly be?

For I am but a simple referee

Davey: I'd like to beat you with a sack of rocks.

Whitey: Just let me have my moment.

It's your moment Whitey

Enjoy it my tiny friend

While the beatniks forced into a playoff game

Whitey: You know the triple overtime when Garfield Hart hit the shot?

Davey: Oh, will you just finish?!

I never want this to end

Dutch!

(Breathing heard)

Davey: Can you take me home, now?

Whitey: Ehhh......

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