"The Thanksgiving Decoupling" is the ninth episode of the seventh season of the American sitcom The Big Bang Theory. The episode first aired on Thursday, November 21, 2013.
Sheldon protests when the gang drags him to Mrs. Wolowitz's house for Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, Leonard and Penny must deal with Penny's accidental marriage to Zack Johnson.
In Apartment 4A, Sheldon and Leonard are trying to prove to Penny that mathematically cow tipping is impossible. Penny doesn't buy that because she believes she has done it at the age of 16 though she was drunk. Raj wonders how she can push over something that is sacred. Penny uses the hyperbole that she has seen Raj eat a million hamburgers. Raj comments that a cow can be both sacred and delicious. Penny returns to the cow tipping argument saying that she can clearly remember the cow standing up and the cow lying on its side. Leonard wonders if she was drunk and lying down. Penny then remembers that that would explain why "the sky was also on its side". Howard enters and Penny asks his opinion on cow tipping. He thinks that based upon his experience of trying to roll his mother over whenever she snores, he doesn't think that it's real. He also announces that his mother has invited everyone over for Thanksgiving dinner. Sheldon tells him that people say that a bald face refusal without an explanation is rude. So he tells Howard that he would love to go, but it sounds awful. Penny tells him that they were planning to have dinner in apartment 4A. Since Bernadette's mom is out of town, Howard would like help since he never has anything to say to his father-in-law Mike Rostenkowski and he could use the help. Sheldon tells him thank-you, but that sounds even worse. Leonard thinks that it might be nice to have Thanksgiving without Sheldon complaining all day about his cooking. Sheldon insists that that every year Leonard prepares a terrible meal and every year he criticizes it. Do their traditions mean nothing to him? Leonard, Penny and Raj agree to go. Howard again asks Sheldon. He says fine, but if the food is delicious and Thanksgiving is ruined, then it's all on Leonard's head.
A pre-dinner brunch is being served at apartment 4A, Sheldon is still complaining about having to go. Amy tells him that she expects him to be on his best behavior. Sheldon states that being dragged off to dinner akin to being an African slave being dragged away from their home and put under the yoke of the White people|White man. Amy wants to know if he is comparing going to dinner at the Wolowitz's the same as one of the greatest tragedies in the history of mankind. Sheldon agrees. Penny tries to help by saying that he can have a nice Thanksgiving anyway. She had a one in Las Vegas once when she was dating Zack. It was more fun than she thought. They gambled, went to one of those cheesy wedding chapels and had a real good turkey dinner which was surprising since it was at a strip club. Leonard asked her if she went to a chapel. Penny thinks it's funny that they had one of those silly fake weddings. Everybody looked shocked. Leonard asks if she knows that they are real. Thinking he's joking, she tells them that they aren't. Leonard disagrees. Now worried she denies it again. Everybody tells her that they are real. Penny timidly says that it didn't seem real. Sheldon then asks her that at any point did Las Vegas seem on its side. Penny looks shocked and starts to hyperventilate.
At the Wolowitz house, Bernadette lets her father in carrying two six packs of beer. She remarks that he brought beer for everyone. He reluctantly agrees that it's for everyone. He really wanted to have a quiet day and watch the game. Bernadette tells him that he can have a quiet day and watch the game there. Mrs. Wolowitz and Howard then shout at each other that her medicine isn't working. Her gout is acting up. Howard quips that an apple pie a day doesn't keep the doctor away. He gave her enough pain medicine to choke a ...well... her. Bernadette realizes that they will have to do all the cooking. Howard has a better idea. Bernadette snaps that he better not expect her to do all the cooking. Howard corrects her that Raj could do all the cooking. That's fine with Bernadette.
Shamy and Lenny are driving to Mrs. W's house. Amy finds it great that there is not traffic and they were sailing. Sheldon agrees since it's like they are on a ship coming from Africa to America. Amy finds it completely inappropriate to keep comparing himself to a slave. "Yes, Miss Amy," he sarcastically replies. Leonard is angry, as he cannot believe Penny is married to that idiot, Zack. Penny says that the whole ceremony was a goof and wonders why he's making it such a big deal. Sheldon suggests that the reason could be because she said yes or no to Zack, but to Leonard's marriage proposals of marriage, she always said no. Penny wonders how she can undo the deed. Leonard hopes that she can get a quick annulment since it would be like it never occurred to begin with. Amy looks up grounds for annulment. The first is if they were unable to consummate the marriage which causes Sheldon to bust out in laughter. Then, she lists fraud, bigamy, want of understanding. Penny asks what "want of understanding" means. "Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner!", announces Amy.
In the Wolowitz kitchen, Bernadette thanks Raj for stepping in as cook. He quips that it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an Indian supplying the food. Bernadette wants Howard to go out and keep her father company. Howard feels that he doesn't want him there. He's just the creepy little guy that is having sex with his daughter. Bernadette replies not to be silly because he loves you. Howard disagrees. That's not true insists Bernie. Then, Bernadette snaps that she does that crap for him all the time and to get out there.
Later in the living room: Howard is trying to talk to Mike about his wife's trip to Arizona and gets an "Uh, huh." His mother once went to the Grand Canyon and rode one of the mules into the canyon. Long story made short, they had to shoot the mule. As usual, this joke didn't amuse Mike. The doorbell rings and Howard goes to let in the others. Amy tells him "Happy Thanksgiving." Sheldon tells him that the food smells wonderful and asks if someone is slaving away in the kitchen. Amy gets mad and shoves him through the door. Penny quietly shoves a bottle of wine in his hand and nonchalantly thanks him for having them. Howard asks what wrong. Leonard replies that she is mad at him for finding out she is married to Zack. Howard thinks that that is hysterical. Penny grabs the wine back from Howard, telling him that she cannot believe that she felt bad about opening it in the car.
In the kitchen, Amy enters and asks if they need any help. Raj asks her to get the gravy boat. Raj puts Bernadette on corn, gravy and yams. Amy gets rolls, cranberries and keeping Bernadette out of the marshmallows. Raj is going to baste his ass off. Keep focused. Amy then announces that Penny married Zack three years ago. Raj and Bernadette turn around shocked with Bernadette having a marshmallow in her mouth.
In the living room, everyone else is watching television. Howard asks Mike if he ever played football, and he had a little in college. Howard then jokes that he once got tackled in the hallway at school and everybody cheered. No reaction. Leonard found annulment papers and tells her that he will print them out at home. First, Penny says "Fine" and then admits that she screwed up and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Leonard can't imagine why she is mad at him. Penny leaves to get some air. Sheldon remarks that he knows nothing about women, but still suggests that he doesn't follow her. Mike tells Leonard to listen to "Stretch".
Leonard states that he is not the bad guy, he is the victim. Howard feels that maybe Zack is the victim since Leonard is sleeping with his wife. Mike wants to weigh in with his thirty-five years of marital experience, but instead he wants everyone to be quiet so he can watch the game and thus, having the personality of a rude, stupid, idiot bully, tells Leonard to shut up. After the next play, Mike wants to know how they couldn't make a first down. Sheldon then analyzes their problem. Mike seems very surprised. Sheldon reveals his father made him watch football before he could do his homework. Penny returns. She spoke to Zack, who is willing to sign the court papers and is on his way over now. Leonard wants to know why she invited him over on Thanksgiving. Mike asks if he was to weigh in again on this conversation. Leonard and Penny leave. Mike then asks Sheldon what the football teams should do next. Sheldon gives his opinion on what is necessary since he expects a blitz. Howard says that he enjoys a good blitz with sour cream. No one laughs at his blitz joke. Then, Howard's mother calls down about the blintz.
Over in the dining room, Leonard is talking to Penny. He can't understand why Penny invited him over on Thanksgiving. Penny's response is that he wouldn't shut up about it. Zack had nothing to do, so she invited him over. Raj pops in from the kitchen door so Penny tells him that they will be quieter. Raj retorts that he needs them to speak up since he wants to hear more and is running the blender. Leonard tells him to cook for one more since Penny has invited Zack. "What?!" shouted Amy and Bernadette from the kitchen. Raj adds that like his gravy, the plot thickens.
Sheldon returns from the bathroom complaining about all the clowns staring at him. Howard says that that is why he sits. Mike sarcastically says, "Yea, that's why." Mike then asks Sheldon about the Dallas Thanksgiving Day game when it snowed. Sheldon gives the details of that game. Mike was so pissed that he wanted to shoot the television. Sheldon reveals his father actually did shoot it. Howard leaves to get him a beer. Mike asks about Sheldon's dad who died when he was fourteen. Mike says that he is sorry. Sheldon adds that the manager of the local liquor store was also sorry. Howard brings Mike another beer. He gives it to Mike who thanks him. Mike then tells Sheldon that he was never old enough to have a beer with his father. Sheldon's father did try to give him one for his high school graduation, but he was only eleven and his mother wouldn't let him do it. Mike found that amusing and told him that he was going to have a beer with him. Sheldon accepts and they drink to his father. Howard adds that he never had a beer with his father. Sheldon excuses him and says that he and Mike were having a moment together.
In the kitchen, Amy is talking about how she can not believe that Penny married Zack. Raj wonders what she saw in him. Bernadette finds him sweet, tall and handsome. Amy notes his broad shoulders and good hair. Raj then wonders what she sees in Leonard. Howard wanders into the kitchen, complaining about Mike and Sheldon bonding together and ignoring him. Amy mentions the week that Sheldon ignored her after he got a Rumba vacuum cleaner. Howard describes how they are watching football, having a beer together, toasting Sheldon's deceased father and ignoring anything Howard says. The doorbell rings. Bernadette notes that Zack has arrived. Bernadette, Amy and Raj leave with Howard left alone. Raj hands him the spoon to stir the gravy. Bernadette pops back in to tell Howard she will finish listening to him in five or ten minutes and doesn't forget to fetch a marshmallow when leaving.
In the dining room, the kitchen crew is staring at Penny, Leonard, and Zack as they very slowly get the tableware|silverware ready. Leonard feels that Zack didn't have to hurry right over on Thanksgiving. That was fine with Zack, since he was doing anything and since he was married to Penny, Thanksgiving is a time for family. Penny just wants to get it over with. After they sign, the paperwork will be filed with the court on Monday. Zack claims that he does not want to sign the annulment papers because divorce|splitting up is rough on children|kids. Penny insists that they don't have any kids. Zack wants to make sure since she didn't know they were married until this morning. Penny points out that neither of them thought the marriage was real. They were married by an Elvis impersonator. Zack points out that they could never afford a real Elvis. Leonard sarcastically quips that Penny would marry Zack over himself. Then they get into a fight about him always pointing out her mistakes whenever she screws up. Zack calls out Leonard and tells him that he's not cool. Leonard is not the kind of guy he wants dating his wife. Leonard assures him that she is not going to be his wife for long. Zack gets worried that she is dying. Penny snaps that she is about to, so Zack signs the papers with "Happy wife. Happy life. Let's eat."
Sheldon and Mike are now drunk in the living room. Sheldon burps the equation of pi to the 21st decimal. Mike admits it's not what he thought when he said he was going to burp pie. Then, Howard's mother yells down, asking if someone mentioned pie. Mike doesn't know which is scarier, the bathroom clowns or their owner. Sheldon then says that they can only get one of Mrs. Wolowitz in a car, which causes them both to laugh out loud. (Referring to the old many clowns in the car circus trick.) Howard walks in and Sheldon calls him the clown that came out of the owner. Mike and Sheldon both agree that they are having one of the best Thanksgivings in a long time. Bernadette runs into the living room with Howard, screaming at Sheldon and her Dad for continually insulting Howard. She demands that they apologize to him. Sheldon remarks that she is so tiny and she looks funny when she's mad. When Amy demands that Sheldon apologize, he relents and says that he is sorry. Afterwards he looks at Amy and then says to everyone "Ain't she great?" Amy is flattered and smiles, Sheldon then abruptly says "Now, how's about you get us a couple of beers?" and follows by smacking her rear. Amy shocked, but happy to actually be getting some physical attention from Sheldon, starts to walk slowly toward the kitchen as a dazed smile appears on her face. Amy looks back at Sheldon, who smiles back wholeheartedly.
Finally, the whole gang, including Zack, is seated around the Thanksgiving table complementing Raj on his delicious meal. Mike wants to throw the pigskin around with Sheldon who says that this Jewish household probably doesn't have one. Mrs. Wolowitz then calls from upstairs whether someone said pigskin. Penny apologizes to Leonard and tells him that the next time she gets married, it won't be a joke and it will be for love. Or money and lovingly strokes his chin, though she can be seen teasing him. Leonard also says he's sorry and they kiss. Zack tells him not be sorry because he was a terrible husband since he was never around. Mike apologizes to Howard, telling him that he's not the worst son-in-law ever. Howard thanks him and then Mike reminds him that he's also drunk. Finally, Sheldon returns and says that he just vomited on a lot of clowns (much to Mike's delight).
- Guest starring:
- Casey Sander as Mike Rostenkowski
- Carol Ann Susi as Mrs. Wolowitz (Voice Only)
- Brian Smith as Zack Johnson
- Teleplay: Steven Molaro, Jim Reynolds & Jeremy Howe
- Story: Eric Kaplan, Steve Holland & Maria Ferrari
- Jesse Schedeen for IGN-... (A) drunk Sheldon was the highlight of the week. Jim Parsons has honed his portrayal of the stiff, uppity genius to a fine science by now, so it's always a welcome change of pace to see Sheldon thrown in an unusual situation that drags a different side of his personality out...The conflict between Leonard and Penny also took some time to build momentum. Initially, it was funny to see Penny's reaction to realizing she's been married for the past several years ("But it didn't look real!")...But help arrived in the form of Penny's "husband," Zack. It was fun to see Brian Smith reprise his role for a few minutes in order to celebrate the holidays and apply for an annulment. Though no Rhodes Scholar himself, Zack had one of the better lines of the night when Penny denied having children and he said, "Are you sure? Cause you didn't even know we were married until this morning." He's got you there, Penny..."The Thanksgiving Decoupling" was hardly a perfect episode...but once things got moving, the episode proved very entertaining. 
- Dhruv Rao gave the episode a C+ 
- IMDb user reviews
- Title Reference: The episode occurs at Thanksgiving and Penny ends her previously unknown marriage to Zack Johnson.
- Taping date: November 5, 2013.
- Chuck Lorre's vanity card. 
- This episode was watched by 18.94 million people with a rating of 5.3 (adults 18-49).
- Total viewers including DVR users 24.95 million.
- The Big Bang Theory was ranked #1 for the week ending November 24, 2013.
- Last sweeps month's episode.
- This episode aired in Canada on November 21, 2013 with 4.723 million viewers with a weekly ranking of #1.
- In the United Kingdom, this episode aired on January 23, 2014 with 2.35 million viewers and a weekly ranking of #1.
- In Australia, this episode aired on February 11, 2014 with 1.1 million viewers.
- Episode transcript 
- Sheldon is wearing his orange Aquaman II t-shirt while working on cow tipping math.
- Penny wears the "Full Tilt" girls hooded flannel boyfriend shirt from Tilly's.
- First Thanksgiving episode in the series. Only one through August 2015.
- Penny's cow tipping story was previously mentioned in "The Boyfriend Complexity" (S4E9) and "The Beta Test Initiation" (S5E14). Also, in reality, Margo Lillie and Tracy Boechler (both from The University of British Columbia) did provide a mathematical proof that cow tipping is impossible in 2005, the same thing that Sheldon and Leonard do in the show. In short, the conclusion of the real-world research was that a cow may be tipped by 2-4 people if surprised enough so that it does not have time to adjust its footing or run away.
- Bernadette's mother (Mrs. Rostenkowski) is mentioned a couple of times in this episode but she does not make an appearance in any of the scenes at the Wolowitz house throughout this whole Thanksgiving episode. Due to the fact that Meagen Fay (who plays Mrs. Rostenkowski) was not available to have a guest appearance in this episode. It is mentioned that she is in Arizona with the grandkids, which shows that either Bernadette's brother Joey Rostenkowski or Bernadette and Joey's unnamed siblings of theirs is/are married with children.
- As of this episode Mrs. Rostenkowski (Bernadette's mother) still hasn't been seen talking to Raj, Amy, Leonard, Penny and Sheldon since her brief cameo appearance and uncredited appearance in "The Countdown Reflection" (S5E24) at Howard and Bernadette's wedding and she only had her two appearances with Mike (her husband) and the 'Howardette' couple in the episode of "The Fish Guts Displacement" (S6E10) which are for now the only episodes of the entire show that she has appeared in.
- Penny was officially "Penny Johnson" for three years until this episode, although since she was unaware of the marriage, she probably never took the name; however, it is possible that her maiden last name was restored after the annulment, meaning she is still the only one of the main cast without a revealed last name until a later episode where she married Dr. Leonard Hofstadter and became Mrs. Penny Hofstadter in the episode of "The Matrimonial Momentum" (S9E1).
- In reality, the Graceland Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas does provide wedding services presided by an Elvis impersonator - "Elvis Wedding Package" as they call it.
- Penny and Zack did not know that the Las Vegas wedding chapels were real, but Penny previously suggested wedding at Las Vegas in "The Countdown Reflection" (S5E24) when the gang were discussing how to carry out the wedding of Howard and Bernadette, thus her ignorance of this is quite strange. She also suggests a Vegas wedding chapel for her wedding with Leonard in "The Commitment Determination" (S8E24).
- The premise of the episode, that Penny and Zack could just go to a wedding chapel and come out married, is technically impossible. In order to be legally married in Las Vegas, you need to obtain a wedding certificate from the Clark County city hall (located in downtown Las Vegas) at a cost of $77 dollars (as of 2021); chapels do not provide this service. So, even if a chapel proceeded with the ceremony, they would never have actually been married.
- Sheldon and Bernadette's father, Mike Rostenkowski, find their common point that they are both familiar with football. Sheldon previously demonstrated his knowledge on football in "The Cornhusker Vortex" (S3E6), and Mike's knowledge has been implied in "The Countdown Reflection" (S5E24) when he said "Here you go" and "Like that guy could catch a football".
- When Zack appears in this episode, it evidently becomes more clear that Leonard hates him.
- Mike Rostenkowski got angry at the defeat of Dallas Cowboys in 1993 Thanksgiving because of Leon Lett. Based on this, it seems plausible to assume that he lived in Texas at that time. This assumption also supports the fact that he and Sheldon, who is (also) from Texas, quickly bond together.
- Sheldon gets drunk and slaps Amy on the rear calling her a "great gal". Amy smiles at the attention. This is the second time we see Sheldon spank Amy after "The Fish Guts Displacement" (S6E10).
- Zack Johnson makes his first appearance in three years. His last appearance was in "The Toast Derivation" (S4E17), which was 64 episodes ago.
- Mrs. Wolowitz and Mr. Rostenkowski appear for the first time in the 7th season.
- First appearance of Mrs. Wolowitz's living room since "The Zarnecki Incursion" (S4E19). The dining room and kitchen through the door were last seen in "The Spoiler Alert Segmentation" (S6E15).
- First time that Amy has been seen at Mrs. Wolowitz's house.
- Bernadette's parents have been married for 35 years as of this episode, likely suggesting that they got married in 1978.
- Sheldon claims his father died when he was 14 which is also mentioned again to the ghostly form of Professor Proton in "The Proton Transmogrification" (S7E22). This is an inconsistency because in "The Pancake Batter Anomaly" (S1E11), Sheldon said at the age of 15, he got sick in Germany, and his mother had to fly back to Texas to help his dad at that time.
- Sheldon mentions that his father tried to give him a beer for his high school graduation, but he was 11 and his mom said no. In the Young Sheldon episode "Graduation", we see that he did graduate high school at 11 years of age, but his father never offered him a beer.
- In 1993, Sheldon was thirteen years old; about to enter graduate school the next year, and hence, would not be doing calculus homework. Moreover, by the age of five, he had already written a paper on algebraic topology ("The Higgs Boson Observation"-S6E3). Perhaps, he was taking a course on variational calculus or on calculus manifolds.
- Sheldon takes a can of beer from Mike Rostenkowski without objection, a stark contrast to his usual negative attitude towards alcohol in the series. This episode also reveals that Sheldon never once had a beer with his father and hints that the reason he doesn't drink alcohol is because he feels like he has been held back by his mother since his father's death.
- Amy: You need any help?
- Raj: Uh, yeah, can you, uh, reach that, uh, gravy boat up there?
- Amy: Uh, sure.
- Raj: Great. That makes one of you.
- (Bernadette glares at Raj crossly and she doesn't say a word)
- Raj: Okay, we have a lot to do and not much time to do it. Bernadette, you’re on corn, gravy and yam detail. Amy, you’re on rolls, cranberries and making sure Bernadette stays away from the marshmallows. (He looks at Bernadette) That’s right, I see you. (Bernadette glares crossly at Raj again) Okay, if you have any questions, I’ll be over here basting my ass off. Focus is key.
- Amy: Did you guys know Penny married Zack three years ago?
- Raj and Bernadette: What?! (Bernadette's mouth is stuffed with a marshmallow)
- Raj: Hey, guys, I’m trying to cook in here.
- Penny: Oh, sorry. We’ll keep it down.
- Raj: (intrigued) No, no, speak up. I’m about to use the blender, and I don’t want to miss anything.
- Leonard: (still angry) Well, you might have to cook for one more because she invited Zack.
- Bernadette/Amy: (both shocked) What?/Ooh!
- Raj: (more intrigued) My, my. The plot, like my gravy, thickens.
- Bernadette: (she's so worried) I guess we’re gonna have to do all the cooking.
- Howard: (shiftily) I have a better idea.
- (Bernadette is very cross with Howard for one second)
- Bernadette: (she scolds at Howard crossly) If you think you’re gonna make me do all this by myself, you’re crazy.
- Howard: I was gonna make Raj do it all by himself.
- Bernadette: (happily) Oh, well, that’s a great idea!
- Penny: Sheldon, you can have a nice Thanksgiving anywhere. I once spent one in Vegas.
- Leonard: You did?
- Penny: Yeah, back when I was dating Zack. Actually, it was more fun than I thought. We gambled, went to one of those cheesy wedding chapels, we had a really good turkey dinner, which was surprising since we were at a strip club.
- Leonard: What? You went to a chapel?
- Penny: Yeah.
- Leonard: Why?
- Penny: We had one those silly fake weddings.
- (the others look at each other in alarm)
- Leonard: Penny... you know those are real, right?
- Penny: (laughs) No, they’re not.
- Leonard: Yeah, they are.
- Penny: (now looking worried) No, they’re not.
- Leonard: Yeah, they are.
- Sheldon: He's right.
- Amy: They’re real.
- Penny: (quietly) But it didn't seem real...
- Sheldon: Let me ask you something. At any point was Las Vegas on its side? (he tilts his head, referring back to their earlier cow tipping conversation)
- Leonard: (angry) Can't believe you're married to that idiot.
- Penny: (crossly) Ugh, would you stop? We just did it as a goof.
- Leonard: Goof or not, you're actually married. You need to get this taken care of!
- Penny: I will! Why are you making this such a big deal?
- Sheldon: Oh, I have a reason. It could be because you said yes to marrying Zack, but every time Leonard’s proposed he’s gotten a resounding no. That’s just off the top of my head.
- Penny: How do I undo this?
- Leonard: I just hoping you can get an annulment. So it's just like it never happened.
- Penny: Great. Well, what do I have to do?
- Amy: It’s says here you can get an annulment if any of the following conditions are met. One: were you unable to consummate the marriage?
- Sheldon: (laughs) Penny? Next.
- Amy: Is there any evidence of fraud, bigamy, want of understanding?
- Penny: Want of understanding? What does that even mean?
- Amy: Ding ding ding, we have a winner!
- Zack: I'm not sure about this. I heard splitting affects the children.
- Penny: Zack, we don't have any children!
- Zack: Are you sure? Cause you didn't even know we were married until this morning.
- Raj: Why would you push a cow over? They’re sacred.
- Penny: Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat a million hamburgers.
- Raj: Hey. An animal can be both sacred and delicious.
- Penny: I clearly remember the cow standing up, and then the cow being on its side.
- Leonard: Were you drunk?
- Penny: I was sixteen in Nebraska. What do you think?
- Leonard: (amused) I think you're the one who fell over.
- Penny: (sudden revelation) That would explain why the sky was also on its side.
- Sheldon: But if her food is delicious, Thanksgiving is ruined and it’s all on you.
- Sheldon: I've been told that a bald refusal of an invitation is rude and one must instead offer a polite excuse so I’d love to go but unfortunately that sounds awful.
- Leonard: It would actually be nice to not hear Sheldon complain about my cooking all day.
- Sheldon: Excuse me. Every year you prepare a terrible meal and every year I criticize it. Do our traditions mean nothing to you?
- (The scene of Howard, Bernadette and Raj in Mrs. Wolowitz's kitchen)
- Bernadette: Thanks for saving the day.
- Raj: Ah, no problem. It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without an Indian providing the food. Uh, now, where does your mom keep the Crisco?
- Howard: Um, I don't know. Probably in a wad in her cheek.
- Bernadette: I’ll help Raj in here. Why don’t you keep my dad company?
- Howard: He doesn't want me in there. I’m just the creepy little guy who has sex with his daughter.
- Bernadette: Don’t be silly. He loves you.
- Howard: Does he?
- Bernadette: OK, he cares about you a lot.
- Howard: Really?
- Bernadette: (she is now very cross) I do crap for you all the time. Get out there!
- (Howard starts to move away from Bernadette's shout of anger)
- Penny: All right. Thank you for having us.
- Howard: What’s with you?
- Leonard: Well, she’s mad at me because she just found out that she’s married to Zack.
- Howard: Really? That dumb ass you used to date? [Laughs] That’s hysterical.
- Penny: I can’t believe I felt bad for opening this in the car.
- Leonard: How am I the bad guy? She's the one who married someone else. I’m the victim.
- Howard: Sounds like Zack’s the victim. You’re sleeping with his wife.
- Sheldon: My father loved football. He always made me watch it before I was allowed to do my homework.
- Penny: You know neither of us thought this was real. I mean, we were married by an Elvis impersonator.
- Zack: Of course it was an impersonator. We could never afford a real Elvis.
- Amy: I can’t believe Penny’s married to Zack.
- Raj: Wonder what she saw in that guy.
- Bernadette: I don’t know. He’s sweet, he’s tall, handsome.
- Amy: Broad shoulders, good hair.
- Raj: Hmm. Wonder what she sees in Leonard.
- (a rather upset Howard enters the kitchen)
- Bernadette: How’s it going out there?
- Howard: Sheldon and your dad are bonding and completely ignoring me.
- Amy: I know how you feel. Sheldon ignored me for a week when he got that Roomba vacuum. I kick it when he’s not looking.
- Bernadette: What are they doing?
- Howard: They’re drinking beer and watching football.
- Bernadette: So why don’t you do that with them?
- Howard: They don’t want me.
- Bernadette: What do you mean?
- Howard: Well, Sheldon started talking about how his dad isn’t alive any more, and they were toasting, and I tried to tell them about how sad I was when my dad abandoned…
- Amy: Zack’s here!
- (Raj gives Howard the whisk)
- Raj: Stir the gravy.
- (Raj runs out of the kitchen. Howard looks shocked for a second. Bernadette quickly re-enters the kitchen)
- Bernadette: Sorry. I really want to hear how sad you are. I’ll be back in like five, ten minutes.
- (Bernadette quickly grabs a marshmallow and runs back out of the kitchen)
- Mike: I don’t know what’s scarier, the bathroom clowns or the woman who put them there.
- Sheldon: All I know is, you can only fit one of her in a car. (They both laugh as Howard enters) And there’s the clown that came out of her! (Howard turns and leaves without missing a beat as Mike and Sheldon laugh)
- (The scene at the Wolowitz house where Bernadette bursts into the living room looking very cross with storm clouds in her eyes)
- Bernadette: (she yells angrily at her dad and Sheldon) Hey! Howie says that you've been making fun of him all day! (both Mike and Sheldon react in shock to her yelling) Now, both of you apologize right now!
- (Amy and Howard put on their thinking expressions behind the angry Bernadette)
- Sheldon: (He's drunkenly amused) She’s so tiny. (Bernadette still looks very cross whilst Howard and Amy exchange glances) It’s funny when she’s mad.
- (Mike and Sheldon start laughing as Amy marches up to Sheldon)
- Amy: (she speaks firmly) All right, mister. I think you owe Howard and Bernadette an apology.
- Sheldon: (he glances at all the angry faces) Perhaps you’re right. (puts his beer can down and stands up) I’m sorry for my behavior. I've had alcohol and it’s caused me to be inappropriate.
- Bernadette: (quietly) Okay
- Howard: (also quiet) Don’t worry about it.
- Amy: Thank you.
- Sheldon: Isn't she great?
- (Mike drunkenly nods his head mumbling with agreement)
- Amy: (she giggles) Sheldon.
- Sheldon: Now, how about you get us a couple of beers?
- (Sheldon then shocks Amy [and everyone else] by swatting her in the butt, but as she walks into the kitchen, she gets a goofy, I-actually-kinda-liked-it smile on her face)
- (The ending scene of the gang in Mrs. Wolowitz's dining room)
- Bernadette: (to Raj) Thanks again for cooking.
- Amy: (To Raj) Yeah, everything was delicious.
- Raj: Well, I couldn’t have done it without my two favourite girls. (Bernadette and Amy beam with pride for a second) Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray.
- (both Bernadette and Amy start to leave the dining room crossly without saying a word. Sheldon laughs shiftily and Raj just nods his head)
- Mike: Hey, Sheldon, what do you say we go outside and throw around the old pigskin?
- Sheldon: (low-drunken tone) This is a Jewish house. I don’t think they have pigskin.
- (Sheldon now exits his seat)
- Mrs Wolowitz (off): Did someone say pigskin?
- Penny: Hey, I’m sorry about today. And I promise, next time I get married, it won’t be a joke. It’ll be for love. Or money. (she smiles and strokes Leonard's chin to show she's kidding)
- Leonard: I’m sorry, too.
- Zack: Don’t be. It’s my fault. I was a terrible husband. I was never around.
- (Bernadette and Amy (with a coffee jug) return back to the dining room)
- Mike: I know I’m hard on you, but you’re not the worst son-in-law in the world.
- Howard: Mike, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
- Mike: Well, I’m drunk.
- (Bernadette gives her husband a sweet stroke on his arm. Enter Sheldon)
- Sheldon: I just vomited on a lot of clowns.
- (Sheldon starts to sit back down on his seat)